Insights on Friendship from Iris Murdoch

Making friends might come easier to some people than others, but in general, we all use the same criteria for forming relationships. We are drawn to people who share our interests, or who we simply like and admire. Once we make friends, we tend to hold them in high esteem. We speak positively about our friends, sometimes ignoring or downplaying their negative qualities. For many people, this positive outlook is the core of friendship—being a “good” friend is a matter of thinking and feeling positively about them as well as acting in caring ways toward them. This type of friendship is what I’ll call “knowledge-free.” It involves no requirement to really know or understand the other person. On the flip side, this view of friendship suggests that having negative beliefs about your friends (even if those beliefs are warranted) makes you a worse friend. As an ethicist who has researched …

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